*bOuncy beans

Wednesday, October 24, 2007
6:00 PM

Whee! Yesterday, I went to N-U-S after my stats tutorial! Kwa picked me up from Buona Vista MRT to F.A.S.S. Haha was still munching on my apple when Kwa came! Didn't expect her to reach the bus stop so fast and i almost cldn't recognise Kwa because stylish her wore sunglasses! Hehe.. I was very excited during the ride to f-a-s-s.

After Kwa dropped me off (she had a pract session), i explored f_a_s_s on my own. In case you are wondering, I brought a map along. Was not able to meet my jc classmates because they were at Yusof Ishak House (Y.I.H) which was quite a distance away. Only knew that when i called them. Thought they will be somewhere near f.a.s.s. But it's okie, i will definitely go to N_U_S again! I swear! On the way, i saw many Caucasians wearing formal. I think there's a seminar or conference going on so they're most probably professors. Then i passed by this open cafe which looks so cool! Finally, i reached LT 11! Was very proud and happy that i navigated my way there. My sense of direction is not too bad, i suppose. Hehe..

As i waited for fish (I was there early), i saw my old friend who's now in chem. engineering. She thought i was in n.u.s. until i told her otherwise. Chatted with her for a while before she headed off to take the shuttlebus. Just to note, N.U.S shuttle buses are more comfy and frequent. I wouldn't mind taking them. And everyone takes them as long as they are within the school compound. Over here at my school, i rather walk than take the shuttle bus which either takes forever to come or when it comes, it's 90% of the time jam-packed. Grrr. After that, i crashed fish's history lecture. I managed to takeaway something about Cold War in Asia! The profs are so funny, animated and talented. They speak Chinese so well (no accent) even though they are Caucasians. I was and still, am impressed. Very, I must say. And everyone, including fish was feverishly taking down notes either by hand or using the laptop. All except me. Haha.. Hmm yeah and i think History is difficult because the lecture notes are only an outline so you have to take down lots of additional notes while listening to the professor. Multi-tasking is a must. In a way, i think we are abit spoon-fed. Maybe it's because the nature of the courses are different. Oh ya... I must say that the clock is very distracting because I kept looking at it so I became very conscious of the time.

2 Hours later (Timecheck- Around 6 pm), we emerged from the LT and headed to the shuttle bus stop. There at the bus stop, I could really see the difference btw N.U.S. and my school. N.U.S is like so much full of life and activity and my school certainly pales in comparison. My school is like dull and lifeless and everywhere feels sian. Even my tutor agrees with me. Anyway, so Fish and I took the big orangey comfy shuttle bus to Y.I.H. We grabbed some snacks at Old Chang Kee because we were hungry and then headed to Co-op because I wanted to get my laptop case. We painstakingly took out a few laptop cases and put my laptop in to see if it fits. Eventually, we decided on a mac case which seems like a good deal. Thanks fish!

Later, Kwa picked us up and we headed to Holland Village for dinner. We had noodles and hor-fun. :D Then, Kwa left early because she had another appointment while I was still sipping my lemonade. I took a long time to finish it. Haha... and we took a long time to realise the bill was actually on the table. LOL! Okie, that's just to sidetrack. Next, we went to the cafe opposite. It's called Provence. That's my favourite cafe because it sells MY cheese bun! I only eat the cheese bun that are from that bakery cafe. But the cheese bun was sold out. :'( My mum was there earlier and she did not see the cheese bun either. That just goes to show how popular the cheese buns are. They're really spongy, chewy and most importantly, the cheese is not too strong, that's why i like it. Oh ya.. Fish also bought some bread and pastry home. We should all go that cafe next time. I strongly recommend it! :)

So that's my eventful tuesday for you! Even though time was tight, i enjoyed the company! Thanks Kwa and Fish! You made my day!

Let's look at my updated list of projects. Now, it's 4 down and 1 more to go.

~~1. Marketing Project -18 Oct~~
~~2. OBD Project - 19 Oct~~
~~3. Oral Assessment 2 - 22 Oct~~
~~4. Statistics Case - 23 Oct~~
5. Marketing Case - 1 Nov

Plus 2 quizzes next week. Can't wait for next Thursday. It will be all over, then i can focus on preparing for exams. Looking forward to the end of Semester 1! :)

My cousin's getting married this Saturday. I am very happy and excited because it gives me something to look forward to and let me take a break from my work. And the most important reason is i enjoy going to wedding dinners. But this one is slightly different, it's wedding lunch. Nevertheless, it's still great fun! :)

Okie need to go now to complete my econs tutorial. JIAYOU, bin! :)

roxysurfer__//binnie

Sunday, October 21, 2007
8:59 AM

My nose is blocked. I'm croaking like a frog. Hey, that rhymes! Once again, i've been hit by the flu bug. Okie, that's not new. Basically, it's a case of stress, overwork, negative emotions leading to low immunity. That's the equation for FLU.

Let's talk about the last 3 days of my crazyyy week namely Wednesday, Thursday & Friday which are obviously more happening!

Wednesday: Had marketing project meeting from 12.30pm to 2.30pm, then rushed towards LKC for marketing lecture from 2.30pm to 4.30pm which i did not benefit because i couldn't understand most of the time. Back to marketing project meeting from 4.30pm to 8 plus. This is the lastest i've ever stayed in school, so hmm i'm highlighting the significance of it. Reached home close to 9pm. Was totally shagged.

Thursday: Woke up early because first tutorial's at 8.30am. Felt the uncomfortable ticklish sensation in my throat. Immediately knew i was falling sick. Headed to school with bags of stuff, my books, my laptop, my clothes and shoes [formal wear]. Had my marketing project presentation in the afternoon. Rushed to meet my O.B.D. group supposedly to edit work count and do presentation. Was not very productive because i was already half-dead. Went home in the evening. Edited word count and looked through the report, revamped many parts because i realised the quality wasn't there [knew it long ago but did not have time to edit until then] and was half compiling the powerpoint slides all the way till 3 plus in the morning. While i was working on my laptop, i almost blew my nose off and tears were welling up in my eyes because i was too tired, not because i was sad and miserable though i was but didn't have time to factor in my emotions. Smsed my group members saying that report still exceeded word count but no one replied. Think they were all sleeping soundly by then.

Friday: Woke up at 7 am and continue to reduce the words all the way to 9 plus. I haven't even written my own speech for the part i was presenting. So i hurriedly cabbed to school to meet my grp members who were rehearsing for the presentation. Skipped econs lecture to prepare my speech. In the evening, was so glad that our OBD presentation and project's all over! Don't have to work with those people again. As you most probably can see, we are not working together right from the start. Our group is segmented. Oh well, since it's over, i don't want to dwell on it though i feel the urge to mark the particular someone down in the team effectiveness form (where everyone in the group will assess one another's performance, and if your performance is not deemed satisfactory by your other group members, you get a grade lower than your group members). Woah, i think that's so cool. Hmmm i don't think i am being mean, i think it's only fair. We'll see how things go. After the 4 hour draining seminar, during which my nose was blocked, I had a short meeting for O-A-2 due this coming monday. At 5.30pm, i left school to have dinner to celebrate my sis' birthday. Food never fails to cheer me up! Haha... know that this is overdue but still,

to my beloved sis : HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Let's talk about yesterday. Met my O-A-2 group for meeting but wasn't very productive, i must say. First, we went to macs and they had lunch there. When we wanted to start our work, the manager 'kindly' chased us out like WTH (pardon me for this). I was really quite pissed. And so we relocated to woodlands regional library where we had to resort to sitting on the floor because it's way too packed. You know, like the one here at Jurong. Perhaps, these big libraries should add more chairs and tables but really, the crowd's always overwhelming especially when the As and Os are inching closer. But i must admit, i actually get to talk to my group members and understand them a bit better because i feel that i don't usually talk to them much in school because we are in different project groups for other modules. That's sad, but i kind of like this group the most, perhaps because we are all girls! Girl power!

Okie okie... i really should be starting on what i want to say for tomorrow's crappy presentation. I don't know why i have never-ending presentations. As of now, it's 2 down, 3 more to go.

~~1. Marketing Project -18 Oct~~
~~2. OBD Project - 19 Oct~~
3. Oral Assessment 2 - 22 Oct
4. Statistics Case - 23 Oct
5. Marketing Case - 1 Nov

Then, i'll be done with this irritating, mindless projects this semester like FINALLY. I'm definitely looking forward to the semester break. Badly need the break so that i can think about my future, what i really want. BUT before that, i need to beat the exams which are less than a month away. Oh ya... by the way, i'm still lagging behind in my tutorials. Been smoking through several tutorials these past weeks. I feel guilty, so i better buck up! I am constantly reminding myself, hoping to be inspired.

JIAYOU (that's to me and everyone!)

roxysurfer__//binnie

Thursday, October 11, 2007
9:17 PM

hmm this post is going to be a rather depressing post. I don't know why. These days, my mood swings are frequent and tend to incline towards the negative. The tears fall so easily. I can't sleep well. Usually, i take afternoon naps but not anymore. I can't seem to make myself fall asleep. I wake up every few minutes and before i know it, an hour has passed. The thought that time passes by so quickly scares me sometimes.

I really have doubts about myself. Is this the path that i really want? Did i make the right choice? I had choices then but i couldn't decide. I didn't know what I want. And the worse thing is, even till now, i'm clueless. I haven't seem to gotten used to uni life yet. Not sure if it's because of the long 8 mth break that has made my brain gone all mouldy and turned me into a lazy bum but in short, i am uninspired. I am getting increasingly tired of the countless group meetings and never ending projects which are mentally and physically draining. Even before the numerous project meetings, I have this burden - afraid that i am not contributing enough and thus, being taken as a free-rider. Hence, I really dread meetings because I have added pressure. Actually, i know that sometimes all these supposed problems are actually non-existent and I do think too much but I can't help it. I feel overwhelmed. With the projects, I neglect my tutorials. The guilt of not reading the textbook beforehand, not finishing up my tutorials when my tutor goes through the answers is eating me up. Especially when exams are a month away. I don't want everything to pile up because I know that at the end, I get even more panicky. I HATE that feeling. But yet at the same time, I can't seem to sit myself down and say, YES i will read this and this and finish up this tutorial. More self-discipline, please!

Perhaps one reason could be the nature of the course. It's not clear-cut and straight-forward like what we have been doing all along frm primary sch to jc. Although I can't say I like science, it's something which at least I am comfortable with - structured and factual. You need lotsa creativity for business especially marke-ting and our very recent creative thinking assignment. And seriously, I feel very uncomfortable because you have to think out of the box and it's all about application of concepts. I think the past 12 years of education has not been very helpful in this sense, or mayb it's only me. The dull, boring, rigid me. And it doesn't help when everyone around you is confident and/or intelligent. It only accentuates your weaknesse(s) - low self-esteem, incompetence etc.

Things have not been looking up since recess ended. I must admit I didn't make full use of recess to revise and study but i did enjoy the time i spent meeting up with jc pals and pee buddz, fishhh and jul. I feel depressed almost every other day. When i come home everyday, I feel aimless. I have work to do but i shelf it off, hoping that it would go away somehow (escapism attitude) but yet the nagging from within is too strong to ignore. At the end, I reluctantly start on my work at the last minute. This is how the vicious cycle continues. To sidetrack a bit, I must thank pee buddz and deb for helping me with my creative writing assignment last week. Sorry for the trouble.

Many a time, I feel like dropping out of school but I hesitate when i think about what will happen after that. I know I need to be more rationale and less emotional. I know the mindset is everything and I should stay positive but during times like this, it's tough and your mind wonders.

Okie enough of my rambling, I should get started on my O.B.D project report before it's too late. Hopefully, things will get better 2 weeks later when most of my presentations and projects are over and i can sit myself down to revise. Miraculously, I feel slightly better now. Perhaps i should continue with the self-delusion that things can only get better. I just need more time.

Let me list the datelines:
1. Marketing Project -18 Oct
2. OBD Project - 19 Oct
3. Oral Assessment 2 - 22 Oct
4. Statistics Case - 23 Oct
5. Marketing Case - 1 Nov

*Breathes in*

roxysurfer__//binnie